Boy Mom – Life With The Feral One

Raising boys is definitely not for the faint of heart. It is a task given to the soon-to-be insane parents of the world. Yes, I am sure that raising girls is difficult with all their hormones and such but boys are hard to keep alive. Sometimes because they do death-defying acts and sometimes because we just want to choke the little angels out. I am a boy mom of three (ahem) darling treasures and I am happy to announce they are all still alive. The youngest is really testing the longevity of that last statement though. He is The Feral One.

This child is only 993 days old. I say this for three reasons. First, it makes me feel like I have been able to keep him alive longer than 2 ½ years. Secondly, every day feels like a month with him so I have plenty of time to keep track of this.   Lastly, I am blatantly making fun of the parents with the 53-month-olds. Don’t make me do the math. Be like me and say you are 29 until you are into your…never mind I am not admitting that right now. Focus on the important details people…my children are (at the time of this post) still alive.

If you are not a boy mom then I completely understand why you think I may be slightly exaggerating the fortitude required for this job. Let me assure you, I am not. There are times when I say things to The Feral One in my out-loud voice and then shake my head thinking, “I really just said that”. I would like to share some of these things with you now. This is just a small glimpse into a boy mom’s life.

• He seriously peed in the cabinet!  Why did he pee in the pantry?!
• Get your hand out of your pants. (This one really is a common occurrence. Front or back of his underwear doesn’t really matter to him. It’s dealers choice.)
• Can you take your shoe out of your mouth?
• Quit eating the green strawberries or you’re going to poop everywhere!
• Don’t put your hand in there! (Stream of pee while going potty)
• Quit putting stickers on your pee-pee. (Yes, we call his penis a pee-pee…quit judging.)
• Quit climbing out of the window (of our tent while camping).
• AAAAAGGGGHHHHGGGRRRRRMMMMFFFFFF DROP IT!!!!!  (A dead rat for which you can read about here. You’re welcome.)
• Well, then go pee on the rocks.
• No, you cannot poop on the rocks.
• Did you just say you have a booger in your ear?
• Oh please don’t pee on that woman’s foot!  (Said in a very small bathroom where his aim decided to take a sharp left without warning.)
• Please stop saying vodka to strangers.
• Stop grabbing my chi chi’s!!
• No, you can’t see my pee-pee.